I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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