You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
