i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
