I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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