Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
