I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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