If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
