At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
