Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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