I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
