A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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