All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
