Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
