hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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