i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
