That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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