I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
