i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
