It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
