He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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