i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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