I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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