Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
