And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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