I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
