Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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