when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
