then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
