My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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