Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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