I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so let's talk penis.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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