its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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