I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
