Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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