she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
