I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
