Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am available for nakedness
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
