So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
