i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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