My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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