The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
