I can text with my tongue
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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