arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
