Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
