I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
