he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
