You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
