nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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