Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
