Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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