what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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