i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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