I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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