it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
