More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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